Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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