Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
