I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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