I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
