it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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