He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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