last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
