I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
party gras won. party gras always wins.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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