I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I cut my penus on the lid.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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