he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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