Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
