i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
