My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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