There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Randomize
