i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
