i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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