I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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