Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
