so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
