i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
