Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
