What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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