I wanna bring you to show and tell
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
