Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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