Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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