wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
