Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
