Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
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i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
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I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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