oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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