It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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