erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude i'm inner monologue high
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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