I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You may now shotgun with the bride
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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