took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
