Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
