haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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