3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
