Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
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idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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