oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
