if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
