i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
