also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
