There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
