O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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