you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
