I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
