New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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