There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
