Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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