okay pat passed out under dana's car
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
