Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
