p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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