you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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