dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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