I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize