Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
