he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
