Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
