I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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