in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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