Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
