Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
im about as happy as oj after his trial
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
