You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
