Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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