The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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