on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
