Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
