Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
