I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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