I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
